By: Rod Hilton on Jun 28th, 2008 |
33 Comments | Movie Rating: 
Wahlberg looks in terror as a very angry Funky Bunch approaches on the horizon.
This script was featured as a Cracked.com Guest Column. To read it there, follow this link..
FADE IN:
EXT. NEW YORK CITY - PARK
People walk around in the PARK while two unimportant characters have INANE DIALOGUE.
BORING CHARACTER 1
That was weird. Suddenly all of the people in this park stopped dead in their tracks and started acting like brainless robots.
BORING CHARACTER 2
Large groups of people behaving as though they have no personality whatsoever? That can only mean…
BORING CHARACTER 1
Oh shit, we’re in an M. Night Shyamalan movie!
They both KILL THEMSELVES.
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By: Rod Hilton on Jun 19th, 2008 |
27 Comments
If you are reading this post, it means that the DNS alterations have propagated to your ISP and you’re now viewing this site from my new server. My old one was somewhat unreliable, and hopefully this new one will mean less downtime.
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By: Rod Hilton on Jun 17th, 2008 |
170 Comments | Movie Rating: 
Shia comes face-to-face with his career in 10 years.
FADE IN:
EXT. NEVADA DESERT
PRODUCER FRANK MARSHALL immediately proves his commitment to using CGI “only when necessary” by featuring completely necessary CGI prairie dogs in the first shot of the movie.
A bunch of cars drive through the DESERT to AREA 51. HARRISON FORD’S SHADOW, then HARRISON FORD’S SHOE, then HARRISON FORD’S ARM, then HARRISON FORD’S HAT and finally HARRISON FUCKING FORD are eventually revealed.
HARRISON FORD
Alright folks, let’s get this show on the road. I want to make it to Country Buffet by four.
CATE BLANCHETT
Pryvet, Harrison. I am evil Soviet. You vill help me find Moose and Squirrel, yes?
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By: Rod Hilton on Jun 1st, 2008 |
44 Comments | Movie Rating:
“Ha ha, you’re right - Arrested Development WAS hilarious! How did we get a movie?”
FADE IN:
EXT. NEW YORK CITY
SARAH JESSICA PARKER, CYNTHIA NIXON, KRISTIN DAVIS, and KIM CATTRALL talk unabashedly about SEX and obsess brainlessly over FASHION.
SARAH JESSICA PARKER
Female empowerment is great!
CYNTHIA NIXON
Yeah! Grrl power!
They illustrate this by having the men in their lives do unforgivable things to them, then eventually blame themselves and forgive the men. This allows them to live HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
END
By: Rod Hilton on May 18th, 2008 |
76 Comments
Tomorrow is the 10-year anniversary of The Editing Room. Seriously.
Inspiration?
It all started on May 19th of 1998, after seeing the movie Godzilla and hating it. I put a fake script for the site up on my ISP’s web space (5MB free with each account!) Not long after, I saw Armageddon and hated that as well. I wrote another fake screenplay and put it in the same place. After a while, I had quite a collection of scripts, so I created a subdomain on a real web site and called it “The Editing Room“.
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By: Rod Hilton on May 14th, 2008 |
74 Comments | Movie Rating: 
RoboCop 4: Part Man. Part Machine. All FABULOUS!
FADE IN:
EXT. AFGHANISTAN
ROBERT DOWNEY JR. illustrates the usage of his new weapon to various military personnel.
ROBERT DOWNEY JR
I’d like to thank you all for coming to see my new weapon. As you can see, it’s a giant missile that launches smaller missiles in the air, and each small missile drops copies of In Dreams and Gothika. It’s a truly devastating power.
TERRENCE HOWARD
It’s a good thing you came all the way out to the Middle East to show this weapon, rather than one of the many weapons testing grounds in the United States.
ROBERT DOWNEY JR
Wait.. we’re in the Middle East? In a Hollywood movie? Then that means… OH SHI–
SUDDENLY, a bunch of extraordinarily well-armed TERRORISTS blow all kinds of shit up and kidnap ROBERT DOWNEY JR.
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By: Rod Hilton on Apr 19th, 2008 |
64 Comments | Movie Rating:
A discount abortion doctor demonstrates proper uterus-punching technique.
This script was featured as a Cracked.com Guest Column. If you want to see it over there, follow this link.
FADE IN:
EXT. SOME SMALL TOWN
ELLEN PAGE guzzles SUNNY D as some obnoxious INDIE SONG blares in the background so that everyone knows that this is an intellectual, independent film.
She enters a convenience store and meets RAINN WILSON.
ELLEN PAGE
I need to use the bathroom, as I’ve been downing delicious, high-quality Sunny Delight for the past hour.
RAINN WILSON
Sunny Delight? You mean the delicious orange-flavored drink containing a full day’s supply of vitamin C in every serving?
ELLEN PAGE
That’s right! I found it in the fridge, behind the purple stuff! Now relinquish the bathroom key geeves, I for shizz need to spout.
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By: Rod Hilton on Apr 7th, 2008 |
56 Comments | Movie Rating:
“I’m sorry, I can’t take this scene seriously if Bosworth is going to wear that.”
FADE IN:
INT. HARVARD ADMISSIONS OFFICE
JIM STURGESS is meeting with some ADMISSIONS GUY.
JIM STURGESS
As I was saying, I am extraordinarily gifted, to a point where I will obviously be unbelievably rich and successful. But because Harvard is hard to get into, I want to go here, and I believe not only do I deserve it, but I deserve a free ride. That’s how awesome I am.
HARVARD ADMISSIONS GUY
That’s all well and good, but to get a scholarship, you will need to write an admissions essay that really jumps off the page. Like maybe a story about love, loss, and ultimately redemption. Perhaps you could tell this story in obnoxious, narrated movie form.
JIM STURGESS
Funny you should mention that overused storytelling technique. You see…
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By: Rod Hilton on Mar 14th, 2008 |
92 Comments
So, this time of year is always a really boring time for movies. All of the brainless action movies are being held off until summertime, and all of the pretentious oscar-grabbers came out months ago. Basically the studios just stand around with their dicks in their hands for the next few months, and that makes me bored.
So I’m trying something new. Suggest a movie for me to watch and abridge (or just abridge if I’ve seen it). Just leave a comment on this post making a suggestion for what’s next.
The way I plan for this to work is: I’ll read all of your comments and pick movies from them that I think would be good candidates for abridgement. Then I’ll make a poll on the sidebar and visitors can pick one of the movies from the list, and then I’ll, like, write down what happens in screenplay format with fart jokes.
Here are some guidelines:
- Don’t suggest Doomsday or 10,00 B.C. Doomsday is the next script anyway, and 10,000 B.C. is one I want to abridge if I ever get around to it. Also don’t suggest Harry Potter 7 or whatever it is, since I already committed to doing that one months ago.
- Don’t suggest totally random movies that you and your stupid friends rented while high that one time. If I’ve never even heard of the movie, I’ll filter it right out before it goes into the poll.
- Don’t suggest amazing movies that would be impossible to abridge because they lack flaws. Like don’t suggest Citizen Kane and then be surprised when I call you an asshat.
- Similarly, don’t suggest movies that are so mind-blowingly stupid that I’d have virtually nothing to say about them. Like, what am I gonna say about Batman and Robin? That movie mocks itself.
If I don’t put your suggestion in the poll, don’t whine about it, it probably violated one of those guidelines above or one of the hundreds of internal guidelines I have in my head and decided not to share.
Update: Holy shit, I got a lot of responses to this. Alright, finish making your suggestions by end of day Sunday. I’ll put the poll up by Monday.
Updatier Update: Alright, poll is up. Comments are closed. Thanks for participating, everyone.
Updatiest Update: Looks like Cloverfield and Juno both did extremely well in the poll. I guess I’ll just do them both. Thanks for playing, everyone.
By: Rod Hilton on Mar 11th, 2008 |
46 Comments | Movie Rating: 
Hayden Christensen finally succeeds in his lifelong goal to pout in every country.
FADE IN:
INT. HIGH SCHOOL
YOUNG HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN timidly approaches YOUNG RACHEL BILSON.
YOUNG HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
Uh, hey. I don’t know if you know who I am, but I sorta have this crush on you.
YOUNG RACHEL BILSON
Of course I know you! We’re in the same shop class!
YOUNG HAYDEN CHRISTENSEN
Huh? No… you’re probably confusing me with a piece of wood. I get that a lot.
(hands her a worthless trinket)
I got you a snow globe of Paris, because you conveniently desire traveling the world.
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